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  • Colton James Townsend

High on Caffeine 🀀 Let's Journal!

Updated: 5 days ago

I wouldn't say that I'm the type of person who generally drinks too much coffee (I lie because I will have that one extra cup that edges me into anxiety from time to time). However, I am most certainly and by definition a "Daily Coffee Drinker," and I kind of hate it...


In a lot of ways, I've suffered from my addiction to caffeine and coffee just as much as I have from other substances. The physical and emotional effects aren't dismissible. Caffeine, sure enough, is a psychoactive drug.



Knowing that I can identify myself as a drug addict of any kind is an unpleasant notion to wrap my head around (so most often, I don't try to wrap my head around it). What's most peculiar is the intensity which I often feel in my desire to ABSTAIN from caffeine consumption. I want to quit; I've expressed it many times to myself/others.


Yet SOMEHOW their just isn't a part of myself that can be compassionate and empathetic towards "me" as an addict of this chemical which is SO widely used and available.


I just like to imagine that these plants are so doggone smart that they have fooled us humans into exploiting them for the caffeine content. If we adopt them into our agricultural systems then they can flourish and dominate the other cultivars on the planet! It's a plants race to be the ultimate source of organic compounds for fueling human evolution! πŸŒΏπŸš€


I'll cut short the effects of the plant medicine I'm on right now...

Let's Journal!

  1. When did you first get high?

  2. What did you do or consume?

  3. What happened to you?

  4. Did you do it again and how soon after?

  5. Is there anything you might be addicted to now?

  6. Is it at all related to that first high?

  7. Have you suffered from this addiction?

  8. Has Greed, Hatred, or Delusion been involved?


1: When did you first get high?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

Drinking caffeine in large amounts from a small (red bull original 8 something oz sized) can of Amp energy drink by Mountain Dew, a Pepsi product. My best friend Tyson and I were probably in 7th grade and we each bought ourselves a can of this energy drink from the Waitsburg Grocery store, which his dad owned and operated. We purchased our drinks under his dad's tab after school and then went to his dad's house to consume them. Actually, we might have had one on the the way, because I remember Tyson showing me how he would pretend to stumble on the sidewalk and drop his can at the same time to mask his littering. I remember this trick being clever and funny.


2: What did you do or consume?

Now, you might have already answered this question, as I did in the last prompt. But we're going to ask it again to get more specific about what it was that we first got high off of in our earliest memories.


We're searching now for the source of the resulting euphoria, bliss, or intoxication that first impacted our minds and bodies profoundly.


Write for 3 minutes.




MY RESPONSE

I drank the contents of a small can of Amp energy drink with my fest friend when I was in 6th or 7th grade maybe. I may have drank caffeine in smaller amounts prior to this incident, but I don't believe I had yet to consume this amount, and especially not in a rather diverse set of social circumstances: Best friend, his cute younger step-sister, her cute classmate + all of us by ourselves, alone at Tyson's dad's house after school.


3: What happened to you?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

I don't believe that I had yet to experience a time in my life where I was able to talk so loud, fast, confidently, and with excess vulgarity around girls who where around my age... or anyone at all for that matter. After we each had our energy drinks, being in this house by ourselves with the two younger girls to hand out with (also a situation that would have been quite new to me), I was lit the fuck up! I felt completely alive and free to laugh, make direct comment about myself and the others present, talking as if I were a character on South Park... learning to curse for the first time and spamming foul language.


...maybe we only shared a single can on that first day I had an Amp...


4: Did you do it again and how soon after?


Write for 3 minutes.


Honestly, I'm pretty sure we tried to replicate the exact same scenario the next day. We went to the grocery store, each bought ourselves a can, and went back to Tyson's dad's house. I'll tell you, we wanted that same experience we had had the previous day. We wanted to get high and silly and out of control again. Or, maybe I was the one who really wanted it, who needed it to be able to happen again. We tried doing the exact same thing, drinking our energy drinks... but it wasn't nearly as satisfying, I remember.


5: Is there anything you might be addicted to now?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

  • Caffeine / Coffee 🌟

  • Sex / Masturbation

  • Sweets & pastries from a convenience store

  • THC edibles

  • Attention / Acknowledgement / Validation from others

  • Avoiding pressure to perform in Dreamweaving group

  • Carbonated flavored water


6: Is it at all related to that first high?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

Oh, yes. And so curious that caffeine has in all likelihood been my longest running drug / chemical / process addiction. It's one I've attempted to root out, moderate, and tell off publicly.


I remember more so in high school and in college, caffeine (generally still consumed as an energy drink) made me more fun and lively. I was still on when I had caffeine in me. This effect, of course, continued to taper off over the years, but not in proportion to my intake of caffeine.


7: Have you suffered from this addiction?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

Yes, totally. The very first glaring quality resulting (most likely from my coffee / caffeine addiction) is the staining of my teeth. I take on great shame at times because I know what what I'm doing (drinking coffee) is causing my teeth to turn color, which I hate! But, I can't seem to stop drinking the coffee! And mostly for me, other than the direct effects of the caffeine drug and its vessel info my body, is the frustration and indignant attitude I bear down upon myself for not changing this behavior.


8: Has Greed, Hatred, or Delusion been involved?


Write for 3 minutes.


MY RESPONSE

Oh, yes.


Greed

  • Tyson and I freeloaded on these pricey energy drinks twice over two days

  • I've felt compelled for "more caffeine" many times in many different settings


Hatred

  • I've hated myself for breaking my commitments to abstain from caffeine for the day

  • I hate the sight of my colored teeth, esp. when contrasted with any white clothing I may be wearing


Delusion

  • Just like every other object of addiction, I fall prey to the promise of "Just one" or "Just one more" or "As much as I can handle today, THEN no more. Forever."



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