Is this loser shit? I don't do loser shit.
God, take anything from me. Take everything from me, but leave me my Hunger.
I am just a bum in disguise, taking cash handouts from my step-grandma and pissing in a used water bottle behind the closed door of my bedroom so that no one will know that I was pissing away my time drinking cheap beer and playing classic computer role playing games.
This is loser shit. I’m not hungry when I’m stuffing myself full of loser shit.
I hangout in grocery stores because they have a warm place to sit, provide bottomless coffee for $1 + tax, free WiFi, and unrestricted access to the whole catalog of American stock grocery products at my disposal.
I come here alone. I leave alone with a few less credits in my bank account and a notebook that now has a couple extra pages of ramblings and idealistic schematics drawn into it.
After a night seeking to get naked with a hot girl who has a broken heart and denies her ability to be a good mother to her eldest child. It’s true… that’s the primary reason I try to stick around those two, for sexual permission to engage with their friend!
WTF am I doing? WTF am I going to do now?
I only want my Hunger, my shelter, and my love.
Upon these foundations, the masterpiece that is my life flourishes.
HIDE with the Indirect
= BURN that shit away!
Let me create a DIY writing program and put it up for sale on my website so that someone may one day buy it. = Choosing not to write until I have some sort of project slated in my mind that I hope people will love.
LEAD with the Direct
= Test in the real world by living / breathing / doing
Initiate dialogue with elderly people I see, asking them if they’ve ever journaled or recorded their life’s history. = Show up and write for myself.
How hungry do I get when…
...My bank account borders on double digits, when even the decimal places start to count?
...A female I’ve been spending time and having sex with is no longer a part of my life all of a sudden?
...I can no longer numb, distract, or induce myself with external products?
Less chasing comfort / convenience
What more can I eliminate?
...from my energetic accounting?
What can I add or bring in as a replacement?
The abundance miracle.
Less needs… more drive to cover necessities
I gotta find a suitable place to take a shit so that my home doesn’t become a disease and I can get along with the people in my community.
Michael Teehee’s book recommendation
The way of the superior man: A spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire.
Looking back and seeing so much repetition of frustrations and suffering… Makes me FUCKING SICK!!!!!!!
My Dream 8
Condensed and reworded for modern times.
They don’t have definite ends at this moment.
Easy to access / travel to and from / easy to start / simple objectives ….
Highly efficient daily…
Management / systems check
Cleaning / bathing
Reading / studying
And then, there’s the Business.