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  • Colton James Townsend

Rejection Protections

Updated: Nov 13

"People please only when it pleases me"



\\// Rejection Protections //\\


For my whole life, I've often found difficulty in sharing myself and my interests effectively with others. These things I want and try to share could be: Games I grew up playing, musicians I love, inviting people to stay with me in my home, going a date, or even a general request for companionship at some event.


It turns out, not everyone wants to play with me. And no single person will want to play with me or my games all of the time.


But that kinda sucks. So, what to do?


When I'm rejected or hurt by another person, remember to ask myself these questions:

  • Are they perhaps defending or protecting themselves in this situation?

  • Which of my wounds are activated when handling a rejection response?

  • How do I protect myself from others?

  • How do I protect myself from loneliness?


Also worth remembering:

"They didn't reject you, they rejected your offer."


The antidote to which is NOT to obsess over making a better offer (unless this is in the hopes of making a commercial transaction).


No, the solution is either :

  1. A) Allow it to settle in emotionally that people are protecting themselves and will always do so

  2. B) Do NOT build an attachment to receiving acceptance from every person I am making my offering to "Surrender the Outcome"

  3. C) Find someone else to make the offer to (this simply wasn't for that last person)

There's definitely a bit of a contradiction and dichotomy to this idea of protection found within the realm of people pleasing:

"People pleasing is a self-protective pattern" — Jeff Brown

Hmm, so it seems as though I can self-protect by either Pleasing or Rejecting. How will I know to respond in my best interests?? That's the work.


P.S. Choose myself. Protect myself. Love others unconditionally.


Desk in my room at Francis house.

Saturday, late morning.

Partially cloudy with mostly sunny skies (but it's dark in my room).

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