Genesis of cjt.com, the 1st Journal Post

Reasoning massaged out of my brain, explaining why I had to change from a mindset of perpetual need and suffering to one of acceptance and self-love.
Last Updated:
January 13, 2020
First Published:
January 7, 2020
VIDEO: Video stream of Colton trying to define self marketing, why it matters, and who it can benefit
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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

FROM: me@coltonjamestownsend.com

TO: you

Intense INTENTS:

  • Relatively brief in exchange for a moderate degree of attention

  • Stream of consciousness, minimal editing, semi-linear

  • Communicate emotionally

  • Stimulate self-consideration

Dedicate.

Commit = Go Mit = Go With (if you use your imagination and some German translation)

Sometimes you gotta love and Let Go, sometimes you have to love and Go With.

I am going to go snowshoeing by myself at Noon. And I don't care who knows about it. I'm not afraid to be known. [Follow up later in the afternoon] And I did it.

I had to let go of the idea that possessing a perfect state of self-satisfaction was sustainable. If I couldn't be entirely confident in the success of my efforts or performances, I'd become very dissatisfied with myself. In this manner, a disgusting pattern emerged. I couldn't stomach a failure and I avoided displaying "my mediocrity" as much as possible. So, in all of this, I learned I'm not just afraid of failure, I'm afraid of being known as an amateur.

Was I afraid of becoming an amateur because I might not ever become anything more than an amateur in [fill in the blank] area of my life? I imagined that I will have wasted precious time, resources, effort. And all expended for what? My dreadful vision was to have never attained a level of skillful familiarity with the subject I so invested in? I was afraid it wouldn't be worth it, that my plans wouldn't pay out proportionally!

Was I also afraid to look the beginner's fool to the others bearing witness, ESPECIALLY those who know me or equal my age and status? Yes, I was. I was most afraid of BEING KNOWN by a man of similar age and upbringing that I once thought myself superior to in some way.

I was afraid to be stupid – afraid to be uncovered for who I truly was.

I was afraid of stupid.

I was being an idiot.

I couldn't handle the Foolish Phases with respect.

I wonder, which endeavors would I now not consider a waste of my time or effort? What feats and experiences are worth enduring my "foolish phases" for? Better yet: I can I embrace the foolish phase perpetually rather than fear and avoid it?

I must now be willing to let go and keep going.

Wake up & do me.

colton james townsend smiles for the camera with the seattle port in the background

Colton James Townsend

Storyteller and Teacher at coltonjamestownsend.com, "Fearless Story Productions" and "Wake Up & Do Me"

I live, work, and write in the fine city of Walla Walla, Washington. I help creative people and business owners publish stories and content for the web so they can achieve results online, personally and professionally. You're an expert in your field or a person with a strong story to tell — I help you broadcast your knowledge and experiences effectively. The results? Amplification.

MISSION: "Bringing Your Brilliance to the Whole Wide World"