Jan 1, 2020 : New Year, Same Failure
January 1, 2020
I lost on day 1 of a new, New Year's resolution streak.
A blue-tinted glass mug rests to the right of my writing device. Its hollow contains a caffeinated coffee beverage diluted with Irish country creamer, which is alcoholic. How on earth could I, the ardent resolution-ist, accept myself for this heretical behavior on the very first day of the new year?? Isn't that new year, new decade date such a wonderful and conveniently memorable demarcation line for nurturing my newfound discipline?
This new year, I accept myself. The minor flaws and the gaping shortcomings aren't obstacles that squander my love. I do ask and seek to continue growing as a good person in 2020, but my demands aren't extreme, the reprimanding lessened. Above all, I'm free from the self-torture and forceful subjugation to my perfectionist will.
The must-do-this-cannot-do-that game plan has betrayed me, repeatedly so. I couldn't stand how severely I lacked, how often I failed. I wasn't willing to let go of my own fantasies.
I'd rather work to be flexible, regulated, yet forgiving. A priority on progress, not perfection. Purposeful and poised in the face of adversity, even when that adversity is recognized as my own inabilities or lack of capacity.
I'll keep writing. I'll keep going, even when the outlook appears dulled and pallid.
I have faith now, nothing can extinguish it in my lifetime. No matter how hard the fall, I will return to make another attempt to stand for what I know to be just, fair, and fruitful. I may not succeed predictably, but I will discover more truth along the journey. I will understand, love, and foster my own prosperity to share.
I will wake up & do me.